Finality

Finality (n): the fact or impression of being an irreversible ending

Rachel,
     It's been over a year since I met you, and almost six months since you broke my heart (again). It's time now to say goodbye as we part ways for good. It has taken me a long time to reach this point, but I'm glad now that I have. Thank you for the good times and the bad. Thank you for all the things you have taught me and all the ways you have helped me grow. Truly you have helped me learn a new aspect of love that I never had before. You will forever hold a special place in my heart, and I will never regret loving you the way I did. It is with confidence and resolution that I now move into the future without you. I wish you luck on your journey to find yourself.
   Sincerely,
       Trevor

Self Portrait

Just because something is beautiful does not mean it's desirable.

I've been feeling a little off lately. Broken at worst, flawed at best.

I pretend to be happy, and I believe it's a very convincing act.

I trust too much.

I trust the wrong people.

I'm too honest.

I don't care enough about what other people think about me.

I love too deeply.

I love too seldom.

I give too much to those who don't deserve it, and too little to those who do.

I'm too self-confident.

I need control.

I'm too persistent.

I expect too much of others.

I feel too much.

Nobody knows me.

Mission Time

It feels so surreal. I’m finally a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I’ve been planning on this and looking forward to it for as long as I can remember. Now it’s here. Last night I was set apart by the stake president. It was an amazing experience; one I hope I’ll never forget.

I don’t have much time, but I would like to say a few things in the time I do have.
First, I would like to thank my friends. Thank you for supporting me in this, and for being there to offer wise words of comfort and advice. I get the feeling that my friends would be willing to do anything for me. And I would be willing to do anything for them. Thanks to all of you for the fun times we’ve shared, all the late nights, all the inside jokes, and all the laughs. I love you all.

Second, I would like to thank my girlfriend of 19 months, Monica. Words can’t even describe how I feel about you. We’ve been through a lot together, and our friendship has grown stronger and deeper. You really are my best and closest friend. This song I found has been the anthem of my life for the last little while, and it does a good job of portraying my feelings at this point in my life. Monica has already heard it, but for the rest of you, here it is:



It really has been a wonderful life, thanks to you, Monica. Thank you for all you’ve given me, and all you’ve been willing to share.

Last and definitely not least, I would like to thank my family, including my new brother-in-law, Christopher. It’s been fun. I love how we can laugh together about anything, and how we can talk about things. Last night after my setting apart, the family stuck around and we played Pandemic (a family favorite) and talked and shared experiences. There is no other way I would rather have spent my final night at home. Thank you all.

I will miss all of you. I will be focused on my mission work, but I will take some time to remember everyone, and I hope you will all do the same for me. My contact information is on my Facebook profile page, in the “Basic Information” section. Please write me! I would love to hear from all of you. Also, I think my sister Marissa will be keeping a missionary blog for me. You can view it here. I expect great things. ;)

Lastly, I would like to share another piece of music. This hymn has given me great comfort over the last little while. The Lord has everything planned out for each of us, and just because we don’t know how things are going to work out, doesn’t mean they won’t.



Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul, though dearest friends depart
And all is darkened in the vale of tears;
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears.
Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay
From His own fulness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.


Farewell to all. May God watch over you.

-Elder Giles

How can you not know what a grapefruit spoon is?!

Recently I received a grapefruit from my parents. Upon bringing it back to my apartment, I realized our only grapefruit spoon was nowhere to be found. By this point, I had already cut my grapefruit in half, so I knew I had to eat it soon. I decided my only option at this point was to ask people from neighboring apartments if I could borrow a grapefruit spoon. After visiting many many different apartments, I felt like some kind of freak for asking. The most common reaction I got was a weird look and "a what?"


Anyway, this next portion is a little tutorial on grapefruit and its related utensils.


First of all, this is a grapefruit:




And this is what it looks like when it's cut open:




As you can see, it is a citrus fruit, similar to an orange or a lemon. The little triangular-ish sections are where the juicy tasty goodness is. Now this is the important part, so listen up--in order to efficiently remove said juicy goodness from the bitter skin, you use one of these:



This is a grapefruit spoon. The little serrated edges on the tip cut into the grapefruit and help you to scoop out the good parts, like so:




If you have never had a grapefruit, I recommend you go get one (and a grapefruit spoon) and eat it. If you can't figure out how to eat one, give me a call and I would be happy to split one with you and give the full walkthrough. However, you will need to bring your own spoon. I don't have one.

Thanksgiving

Hey! It’s me again. As many of you may know, today is Thanksgiving. As such, I’m going to tell you some of the things I am thankful for. This is by no means a comprehensive list; it’s just the things I’m feeling especially grateful for this Thanksgiving.
(In no particular order:)

My Family
Ask anyone what they’re most thankful for and this will probably be the first answer you get from most people. But really, I am grateful for my family.
Dad: Dad is great. He always knows exactly what to say when I am having troubles. He knows a lot of things, and is always willing to lend a hand to anyone, whether he knows them or not. He has a very strong testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and is a great example to me.
Mom: Mom is great too. She has always been there to help me fulfill my dreams, and it seems she’s done a pretty good job of it. I shudder to think where my life would be without my mother. She’s a great cook too, and I always enjoy coming home for dinner.
I could not have asked for better parents. While I know they aren’t perfect, they’re pretty darn close.
Kristen: Kristen is my older sister. We are pretty close in age, and we have a lot of similar views. I feel like I can talk to Kristen about anything. She has had many of the same experiences I am having, and is always willing to give good advice. She really is one of my best friends.
Marissa: Marissa is my oldest younger sister. She’s pretty cool. She always has funny stories, and is overall very entertaining. She gets weird at night, and goes into random laughing fits. She is kind to everyone, and is very uplifting to me, and to many others, I’m sure.
Brielle: Brielle is my youngest sister. She is so sweet. She loves to make me cards and draw me pictures, and she likes to do puzzles and play games with me. It’s fun to watch her grow up and learn things.



Monica
There is so much I could say about Monica, but in the interest of keeping this post from turning into a novel, I’ll try to keep it short. Monica is an amazing young lady who I’m privileged to have as part of my life. I am grateful for all the experiences and good times we’ve shared. Monica has helped me to learn so much about love, about life, and about myself. This Thanksgiving, I’m especially thankful for my beautiful Monica.


The Gospel of Jesus Christ and His Atonement
I’m thankful I know the truth about why we are here on this earth, and how we can return to our Heavenly Father. I’m thankful for the chance I have every day to repent of my sins and be clean through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. I’m thankful for personal revelation and the chance I have to pray for guidance in my life.

Education
I’m thankful for the education I have, and for the education I’m continuing to get at Brigham Young University. I learn many new things every day, and I’m very thankful for that.

Music
I love music. I love listening to music. I love making music. I love learning about music. I’m thankful for all the music I love and the influence it has had on my life. I'm also very grateful for my music teachers.

That's all for now. I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving!

Why do people dislike metal?

The other day, on the bus, I heard two people talking about music. For whatever reason, the subject of metal came up in their conversation. (Keep in mind; I’m not a part of this conversation. I’m just listening.) They both quickly agreed that “screamo”¹ is terrible to listen to, and “isn’t even music.” As a musician, this statement hurts me. It hurts somewhere deep inside. Anything can be considered music. Even silence, in its own way, can be musical at times. If you don’t believe me, look up John Cage and his musical philosophies.²

My mission today is to explore the different reasons people give of why they don’t like metal, hopefully dispel some myths, and open some peoples’ minds, eyes, and ears.

I’ll start off by introducing some good American Metalcore, so we all know what I’m talking about. This song (When Darkness Falls, by Killswitch Engage) was the first real metalcore song I ever heard. I looked it up at the request of a friend, and it caught my attention. The style has grown on me ever since that day.




There ya go. Hopefully you listened to it all the way through.

Screamed Vocals
The first response I get whenever I share any bit of metal with any of my friends (with a few notable exceptions) is, “I don’t like all the screaming.”
Why does this seem to be such a big and immediate turn-off for most people?
The vocals of a song are usually the most noticeable part, especially for non-musicians. People without experience playing an instrument may not be able to appreciate complicated instrumental work in any kind of music as fully as someone with more background and experience in that area. On the other hand, everyone has vocal chords. Everyone can appreciate speech and singing on some level.
So, what is it about the screaming that people don’t like? If you ask them, you’ll get an answer, but I don’t think it’s a correct one.
“I can’t understand the words.”
It’s true. Sometimes the lyrics can be a bit tricky to decipher without a written copy, especially if you’re not used to listening closely. However, I don’t think this is the real reason. Take this example:




Unless you speak Italian, which I assume most of you do not, then the lyrical meaning of this song will be completely lost on you. Nevertheless, I am confident that for all of you, even if this is not your music of choice, can agree that this was enjoyable to listen to, even if just for 30 seconds.
So the lyrics aren’t it… what else could it be?

I know if I was to ask my dad (and maybe he’ll read this), he would say, “It doesn’t sound musical.” What he is referring to, I believe, is the lack of melody in the vocal part. Howard (the vocalist for Killswitch Engage) does a great job of mixing high and low screams. Hopefully you noticed that. However, it’s usually not something you end up singing for the rest of the day. To my dad, if you can’t hum along, then it isn’t musical.³ Check this out.





I think we can all agree that this still falls under the category of “music”. Try humming along to it though. You can’t.
Also, I think it’s important to note that metal does have melodic and harmonic content. The truth of the matter is that it’s just not present in the vocal part, which is where people usually look for it. Try looking elsewhere:





You can’t deny that has melodic content. It’s just in the guitar part instead of the vocal part. (This excerpt has no vocal part in it, for the benefit of those who have a hard time hearing the underlying parts when vocals are present.)

Timbre
Timbre (pronounced tam-ber) usually refers to the quality of a musical sound. It’s what makes a D on a piano sound different from a D on a cello, even though it’s the same pitch. Metal bands each have their own timbre, but they’re all related. That’s what makes them into a genre. A screaming vocalist is an extremely distinct element of this that isn’t really found anywhere else. Metal tends to have a harsh timbre compared to other genres of music. Perhaps the answer to “why do people dislike metal?” is that they simply don’t enjoy the timbre, just as some people don’t enjoy clarinets or trumpets.

Lack of Musical Background
As I mentioned earlier, everybody has vocal chords. Everyone can relate to singing. However, very few people can (or want to) relate to screaming. Screaming is something we generally only do when we’re angry or threatened, which hopefully isn’t too often. Plus, it’s screaming the way these guys do is very difficult to do well. If you don’t believe me, try it.
So once the vocalist is screaming, people that don’t normally listen to metal no longer have the element they’re most used to focusing on.
What’s left? If you can’t understand the words, the voice becomes another instrument instead of something “special.” Many people simply haven’t ever tried listening to and appreciating purely instrumental music and so they lose interest.


I’m sure I haven’t completely nailed down the reasons why people don’t like metal. It’s most likely a combination of several factors. I have so much more I would like to say, about the good points of metal, and about why people shouldn’t judge other people based on their musical preferences, no matter what they may be. But for the sake of you, my readers, I’ll leave those subjects alone for now.
Hopefully your viewpoint will be broadened and you will see this music in a new light. Hopefully you will realize that metal is music, and a very valid form of music at that.
Please leave your comments.

-Trevor




Footnotes:
1 Screamo, in reality, is a completely different thing. The wide majority of people don’t know the difference between screamo and metal, so they label anything that includes a screaming vocalist “screamo.”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Screamo
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extreme_metal

2 http://leesean.net/2009/04/04/a-brief-overview-of-john-cages-musical-philosophy/

3 Sorry for picking on you, Dad. Please don’t take it personally. It’s just for the sake of relevant example. :)

This song hit me today. I've included an mp3 for those who wish to listen to the song. However, most of you will probably prefer to just read the lyrics.



"Crusades"

I used to be so young and invincible.
The mistakes of my youth are finally catching up to me.
The face that stares back in the mirror
Should carry nothing but pride.
As the days go by, it's getting harder to hold my head up high.
I've never been so tired, I've never felt so weak,
But I swear to you, I swear to you that I'm not giving up.
Never been so tired, never felt so weak
My storied life is coming to a graceful descent.
Descend.

I see peace end and battles begin.
I won't forget the lives I touched.
I won't forget the life I know.

As the days go by, it's getting harder to hold my head up high.

I used to think I'd last forever.

Forever.

I'm praying for the light to just carry me away.

Say goodnight. Say goodbye.

This is my time to be with my Lord.